BMW vs. Pita Pit

Car Crashes Into Pita Pit at Westgate Shopping Center in Somewheres, OH. The news broke only this week. No one was hurt. That means I can continue with this post. Lucky us.

A man in his 50s careened a BMW through the front doors of the Pita Pit, then reversed out of the restaurant and parked in its original spot.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you arrive in a BMW.

Kidding. I believe this to be an unfortunate accident. Why? Because BMWs are hard to drive. Think of all the times a BMW driver has cut you off. How they weave in and out of traffic and–my god–the tailgating? It has even been reported that BMWs are almost impossible to bring to a full legal stop at stop signs. These vehicles are obviously very, very hard to control for the average to above-average driver. They don’t even have signal lights, because I have NEVER, NEVER seen a BMW driver use any sort of indicator when turning.

How these jalopies pass U.S. inspection standards, I’ll never know.

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World’s Most Dangerous Automobile

They shouldn’t call them BMWs. They should call them WMDAs (Weapons of Mass Destruction via Automobile).

The BMW wielding man from the Pita Pit Incident said that he thought the car was in reverse when it was actually in drive. I really don’t blame him. We’re talking about a vehicle made by a country where drive is fahrt. I’m not making this up. Germany is a ten year old boy.

However, the BMW is much older and is celebrating its 100th birthday this year. Congratulations, I guess, you unhinged maniacs at das BMW-haus. They have also unleashed their new 7-series, as if there isn’t enough mayhem in this world.

In a million years, you will never guess what they’ve called it. Okay, I’ll tell you: BMW Individual M760Li xDrive Model V12 Excellence THE NEXT 100 YEARS.

Sigh.

It also comes with a fancy-dancy Montblanc pen, that I hope is refillable because you will use up all the ink when you have to write down the make and model of your murdery car on any forms or police reports.

Look, I’m not jealous. I’m not. I test drove one. See?

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I Test Drove a BMW and All I Got Was This Lousy Coffee Cup

It was sublime.

And, not a wise purchasing choice for me unless I sacrificed other things like internet, new clothes for the next seven years and wine.

But looking back now, I know I did the right thing. Do you think a Ford Fiesta crashing into the Pita Pit would have made the evening news? They sent a crew out for heaven’s sakes.

No, a Ford Fiesta would not have made the news. The BMW made the news because violence and sex sells.

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Photo Courtesy of Flickr Commons and Taken By Tony Webster

A final thought–haha that police said they would review the film later. “Eh, we’ll get to it. Leave it there by the doughnuts coffee maker.”

 

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